How To Let Her Go
by Don't Be Such A Sour-Wolf
Summary: Anakin ponders his Padawan and how he has become attached to her, knowing that he will struggle to let her go when the time comes leading to a short talk with Ahsoka. Small one-shot, may write more. R&R please


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters seen or referred to in this drabble, I do not make any profit from this, I am only writing for fun.**

**Written with my sister: Homeworkhurtstrees.**

**How to Let Her Go**

Anakin Skywalker had never wanted a Padawan. They were annoying, pesky children that constantly got in the way; they had no place in a warzone. The Jedi were wrong to put younglings – just babies – on the front lines, ending their lives before they had even begun.

To say he wasn't happy when Ahsoka Tano was placed into his _care_ – he used that word loosely – was definitely an understatement. The child was loud, arrogant, reckless, annoying…and everything he had been at that age, maybe that was why he felt so bonded to her, so compelled to protect her. As much as he hated to admit it, this girl could go far…even with him as her Master, she was clever, witty and selfless…qualities that he _wished_ he had at that age.

It was no secret that Anakin wasn't the most responsible of people; he could put aside his pride and admit that he could occasionally be reckless and sometimes didn't think things through properly…the council agreed with him wholly in that regards – the only time they agreed with him – and didn't hide their blatant mistrust of him. So why in the name of the force did said council give him a child to take care of?

The girl had infuriated him to no end, constantly taking risks with her life…playing and bantering with it as if it were a game of Sabacc, having no thought for the consequences of her actions. He struggled to keep his temper in check – once or twice shouting at her before he regained control – and an unfamiliar emotion found its way into him, a sort of fear…she was as reckless as he was, and that scared him. He didn't know how he was going to take care of her, especially since she was making his job so force-damned hard, but somehow he managed to keep her alive throughout the battles and he worked things out from there. Taking things step-by-step.

Anakin looked over to his Padawan, who was sprawled out on the couch in the main-room of their shared quarters, she was still as reckless and loud but arrogant and annoying…he liked to think that he nipped those in the bud early on, or maybe those qualities had grown on him. Her intelligence had only grown and she had gained wisdom and experience from battle. Anakin would proudly claim to others that she was _his_ Padawan and those were _his_ teachings but he knew that Ahsoka Tano had prospered on her own, his teachings – another term he used loosely - only gave her knowledge but didn't quite show her how to apply it, that she had to work out on her own.

Regardless, Ahsoka Tano had become more than a youngling to him, she had become _his_ youngling…he shouldn't make attachments – according to the council – but he failed to see how anything bad could ever come of the bond between them, he believed it made them stronger.

"Master?" Anakin looked up.

"What's up, Snips?"

"I don't mean to sound rude…" Her tone dictated otherwise. "…but why are you staring at me?"

"Just thinking."

"Care to elaborate?" Ahsoka raised her eye-markings. "What about?"

"Just about stuff"

"Stuff?" Ahsoka sat up as she found herself a new source of entertainment. "How…informative, do you mind if I write that down?"

"You've grown up." Anakin said offhandedly, staring at the wall as he pondered.

"Well…" Ahsoka snorted "…that tends to happen."

Anakin sighed a little at that, he wished it didn't. He knew that he fully believed that Padawans shouldn't have to spend so much time at that stage and should be able to graduate whenever they believed they were truly ready to be on their own – still undergoing the trials of course – but he had never been on this side of the argument before. He had never thought about how it would feel to be the Master, the one who was losing someone…perhaps that was why Obi-Wan had kept him for so long.

He wanted the best for Ahsoka, she deserved it, but a part of him was clinging onto her, not letting her grow up. She was like a daughter to him and he did truly love the child as if she were his own, but that's what made things so difficult. As she became more and more independent and began to step out on her own he had tightened his grip on her, not wanting her to go…the conflict that came from love. Ahsoka was almost ready to face the galaxy – the real question is whether the galaxy is ready for Ahsoka – but he found that as she branched out more, he became more protective of her.

He didn't want her to grow up. He wanted her to stay the same, forever being the tiny teenager that depended on him so much…always looking to him before she leaped, so now she was taking steps on her own – not looking for his guidance as much – he found it hard, he didn't know how to let go. And he didn't want to.

"Don't grow up too quick, okay Snips?" Anakin ran a hand through his hair as he sighed.

"Whatever, Master." Ahsoka hopped out of her position and walked over to the door. "I'll be back later, I'm meeting Barriss and we're going to practice together."

Anakin only nodded, watching her walk out of the room before he laid back in his own chair, closing his eyes. He didn't know how he would ever find the strength to let her go, as much as he had protested the arrangement in the beginning, now he didn't know how to live without her. It had become routine for him to check on her, make sure she was ok, keep her safe in battle…he had a feeling that he would still do that even after she were gone, randomly asking the empty space behind him how it were feeling…oh the troops would love that.

Anakin nearly drew his lightsaber when he felt a weight on his shoulder but paused when he saw headtails. The little monster. Ahsoka had both her hands resting on his shoulder, her head nestled in the crook where they met.

"I'll never be far you know?" Her usually upbeat and energetic voice was quieter and more sensitive.

"I hope so."

"Come on Skyguy, someone's gonna have to be close by to bail you out of trouble!" There goes the sensitive tone.

"I always manage to think of something" Anakin defended himself from him Padawan's taunts. "I can be sensible."

"Somehow, I doubt you can even if your life depended on it. In fact, you life has depended on it before, and you still failed" Ahsoka laughed at Anakin's offended expression.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…laugh it up." Anakin held the pout that was beginning to form. "I'll have you know I am still alive…and so are you for that matter so I must be doing something right."

"Suppose." Ahsoka looked contemplative. "Well we have a few years left to perfect our staying alive thing."

"I'd better teach you the basics then; I'm not always going to be here to save you."

"_You_ save _me_? Need I remind you of the poison gas, blocked entrance and rabid Gundark?" Ahsoka took her hands and head of Anakin's shoulder and crossed them over her chest.

"Need I remind you of Bane and the holocron?" Anakin raised his eyebrows.

"Low blow." Ahsoka held her head high as she walked away. "I am going now; I do not need to take this abuse."

"You flatter me, Snips." Anakin commented dryly.

"Master?" Ahsoka's voice had taken that serious tone again. "You gonna be okay?"

"Eventually" Anakin half-smiled "We're both learning from this…there are some things that even I have yet to Master."

"If you ever do" Ahsoka muttered under her breath.

"I heard that…now get out of here." Anakin threw a conveniently located fruit at the retreating child. "And stay out of my head, it's rude to eavesdrop."

"You were being weird." Ahsoka ducked as the fruit sailed past her head. "You were staring at me; I had every right to find out why."

"No you didn't" Anakin laughed. "Stay out of my mind or I'll make you meditate."

"Oooh, meditation…scary punishment, Master." Ahsoka slid out of the room before the older Jedi could respond.

"Little Monster" He muttered to himself

He had the feeling that he would miss the teasing and taunting when she was gone, regardless of what she said, she would be gone – even if they joined forces for missions it would still be strange – she wouldn't be just down the hall anymore. It wouldn't be the same. This was something he had yet to learn, how to let her go.


End file.
